Serving lowly

Ch. 4 of Mission of Motherhood has been such a blessing that I decided to reread it again. There is simply too much in here to digest at once.
I'll probably be blogging about several points in this one chapter for a while. The entire chapter is about the servant mother, and the idea that hit closest to home was how mothers often have to serve very humbly.
For example, there are many times throughout my day that I am on my hands and knees cleaning up something- toys, food, etc. I change several diapers a day and wash loads and loads of laundry. All of these things are not glamorous service. What I mean is, my children are not going to pat me on the back for this. They probably don't really notice most of this, but they need me to do these things. They need me to serve them.
Clarkson reminds mothers that Jesus washed his disciples feet the night before He was to die for them. Washing feet was a true lowly service for the lowly servants. I think about people I know that serve in many outward ways. They travel telling others the good news of our Lord, and others are able to see this huge sacrifice they make. Pictures float on the Internet of their devotion to Jesus in foreign lands. Everyone is aware of their service. Mothers often don't get this opportunity. Their service is often secret and unnoticed. Often, mothers must take the pat on the back from Jesus only, and how silly to post a picture of a mother picking up sticky messes off a highchair and floor with a caption of how she is serving the ungodly.
I am learning that a mother must be content to accept the "good jobs" from her heavenly Father.
John 15:12-13
Philippians 2:14-15

Adjusting

I have had some new challenges since coming home with the new baby, and hardly any of these challenges have to do with Judah! She is such a content, easy-going baby, for which I thank God!
A major challenge is how I see Sloane. All of a sudden, now that there is another daughter in my life, I am tempted to see Sloane as lonely, bored, and in need of more than I can give.
For example, when I am feeding the baby, I am forced to sit and be focused on making sure Judah takes in a full feeding, and when I look at Sloane she is puttering around the living room looking very bored with her toys and books. This could be a good thing because I surely don't want my children to always be "entertianed" and this may force Sloane to find fun things to do with her imagination, and this may teach her to play on her own, without mommy or daddy.
Once I look at Sloane and see that she seems bored, I feel guilty and think she must be lonely since I am not spending as much time with her as I used to. This guilt makes me feel awful, and I feel pressure to try to entertain my daughter while breastfeeding my other daughter! Sort of a complicated task, lol!
I have also been concerned about Sloane's speech development. She has a few words, but I'm worried not enough. (I think this fear has to do with my background in early childhood education and all the statistics I had memorized).
Whatever the case, I think I need to rest in Him. Every night as I spend time with Judah during her last feeding and the house is finally quiet, I pray. I ask God to help me nurture both of my daughters, but not to feel guilty or condemned. I know I am still adjusting to all of this change, I just need the mind of Christ to think about all this stuff in a clear, Godly way.
One thing I am grateful for is how much Sloane loves Judah...I think Judah is still warming up to Sloane.

my Father knows the way

We love taking Sloane for walks on a nearby trail. She is able to run ahead of us a little without us fearing she will hurt herself. We noticed that Sloane loves to stick close to the lines on the middle of the road. She follows it as she jogs.
Sometimes, however, she will want to venture off the trail, which can be a little dangerous because some of the sides are steep. She wants to explore the rocks and plants. My husband will continually have to guide Sloane back to the path to keep her safe.

When I saw this, I thought immediately of our Heavenly Father. Many times, Sloane will get angry when Rod tries to redirect her. She will dig her heels in the ground or try to sit down on the ground to protest his leading. Little does she know we are keeping her from harm. She doesn't know that we are trying to do what is best for her and allow her to be safe and happy at the same time.

This was a great visual and reminder to me about how Christ not only saved us, but is also consistently saving us. I not only need God's eternal saving work in my soul to justify and reconcile me to himself, I also need God's saving hand to lead me away from sin on a daily basis for my sanctification. God only knows what desperate saving I truly need! I, like my daughter, would truly go astray and wander off the path he has set me on if it weren't for his continual work in me. I need to remind myself daily how dependent i am on this work of grace. for he "will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus"
-monica and Rod

A big weakness...

I have noticed a big weakness I have as a mother. I simply do not enjoy the day with my children just as they are- thier age, thier development, who they are today. I am always looking foward to "that day" when they will be...
1) out of diapers
2) able to communicate deeply and thouroughly
3) trusted around breakable objects
4) able to feed themselves
5) late sleepers
6) easy to travel with
7) not in need of a bag of extra clothes for a trip to the supermarket
8) not so much trouble for grandparents to watch
9) able to go to a movie with Rod and I
10) able to do the dishes after dinner

and many other things. Unfortunately, I spent Sloane's entire first year counting the days until her first birthday. I kept telling myself, once she is a year old, she will be a piece of cake. Now I know that a one year old has thier own challenges. I told myself as I prepared for Judah's arrival that I would not make the same mistake. Today has so much to offer as far as my girls are concerened. They have wonderful qualities because of thier age that will fade soon. They are with me so much, and I know one day I will miss that incredibly.
As I am waking up for night feedings again with my newborn, I found myself thinking, I can't wait until this is done! But then I felt God remind me, enjoy this precious time. You are able to hold your daughter close and nourish her from your body. You are able to spend sweet, silent, sacred time- just you and her- while the rest of the world sleeps, bonding and loving one another.
I'm not saying I'm not looking foward to the above list, but I need God's grace to enjoy and appreciate today, with all of its challenges and needs. God, help me with this big weakness!

serving my family

What a week and half it has been since coming home with my second daughter. I have been so surprised at the grace God has given me. I am truly thrilled to have my daughter here, and have not felt too overwhlemed or tired. God has supplied rest when I need it and help through family and friends. I have been so encouraged.
I think the best encourgement has come through my husband. He reminded me that as I serve my daughters, I am really serving Jesus. That put everything into perspective immediately.

Happy Birthday, Judah Katherine!

Early last Tuesday morning (June 2) my husband and I welcomed our second daughter into our lives- Judah Katherine- a surprsingly small 7 pounds!
Monday afternoon, at a routine OB visit, I was checked for dilation and was told I was already 3 centimeters. I figured I would probably go in some time this week to have the baby. A few hours later, I begin to contract and couldn't ignore it. I didn't want to go in yet, and kept trying to put it out of my mind. I wanted to play with Sloane and hug her as my only daughter one last time. We had a nice dinner at home and just did last minute things, but pretty soon, my husbnad looked at me and said, "we better call your parents to come be with Sloane". I packed last minute things, and did some cleaning. I kept thinking, "I should just wait, and spend this last night in my own bed!"
We got to the hospital and the nurse looked at me in amazement. "you are 7 centimeters; why don't you have pain?" I did have some pain, but not like I imagined 7 would be like. I got my epiderral right away to avoid any sudden pain, and became very relaxed. Lo and behold, I stayed 7 centimeters for hours. My water broke early Tuesday morning, and that's when the last 3 centimeters flew by. Out she came in 3 contractions! So quick and easy compared to Sloane, who was my first and was a whopping 8 pounds, 9 ounces and took many hours of pushing.
She looks just like Sloane when she first came out, except more petite. Rod and I are absolutely thrilled! We are very nervous about how Sloane will be reacting. So far not that bad. Judah is also already sleeping surprisingly well and gives me at least 4 straight hours of sleep a night.
We praise God for her health most of all! She is absolutely perfect.
I'm pretty nervous about how I will handle two by myself when Rod is at work, especially when he works at night, but God will give me grace and wisdom.

realistic expectations

Today I had such an enormous blessing come into our home- a friend paid for cleaning services! It was wonderful to come home and not recognize my kitchen! As I am preparing to go into labor soon, my friend thought I could use help "nesting".
I was so impressed with the work this young girl did. She was here for 12 hours and got to nearly every room in our home. She organized the kitchen cabinets, dusted inside of them, organized Sloane's clothes, reorganized the pantry, cleaned the tubs... wow, she was even dusting every book on my husband's book shelf.
My home looked exactly like I always want it to, and then I thought to myself how impossible that is. This young girl was here, uninterrupted, for 12 hours. Focused on one task- make this home sparkle. As a parent, that is just one of the priorites on my list, and quite frankly, some days, it is not even a priority.
I have to make it okay if my house is messy and dirty sometimes. After all, I have a little one to care for. Often I find myself choosing between playing with Sloane and washing the dishes in the sink or not taking out that certain toy (I think every parent has that one) because of the big mess it will create. I need to accept the fact that a family lives here- eats, plays, sleeps, studies, creates- LIVES in this home and crumbs, dust and the occasional dust bunny will abound. Instead of obsessing, I began to use a calendar to help me pick just 2 chores a day, 6 days a week to focus on. Very helpful with upkeep- not perfection.
I remember when Sloane was first born I was in awe of how messy my house could get with just 1 baby. It really irked me, but now I am learning that not having my home look like a perfect, flawless furniture store circular is really okay. I think I should focus on other things instead, and enjoy when the cleaning services come. Besides, right after she polished the kitchen floor, Sloane spilled food all over it. ;)